Unless anal is on the menu, butts are typically sidelined during sex. You can achieve the same effect when they’re on top by propping yourself up on your elbows, which places your abdomen in closer contact with their clitoris.ġ5 Arousal Gels to Make Sex Feel Even Better 3) Pay more attention to their butt. Rachel* is a fan of the coital alignment technique, or CAT: "When a guy is on top of you in the missionary position, have him shift his body slightly forward so that, every time he thrusts, his penis rubs against your clitoris." This tactic is even more orgasmic if your partner’s legs are together and you’re straddling them, says Ellen Friedrichs, M.A., a health educator who also teaches at the City University of New York's City Tech campus. If you want to stimulate your partner’s clitoris during P-in-V intercourse, some sex positions make it easier to do than others. So when you're having sex, you want to focus on external stimulation alone or in combination with some form of penetration. In fact, a study of more than 1,000 vulva-owners in 2017 revealed that only 18% of participants could orgasm through vaginal intercourse alone. ( We refer to this slow-down technique as closing the "pleasure gap.") 2) Incorporate external clitoral stimulation.įirst thing’s first: the vast majority of vulva-owners require external clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm. So take the pressure off of your partner and focus on making them feel as good as possible for as long as possible. There is a slight irony to it-the more your partner thinks about orgasming, the less likely they will be to orgasm. Take your time with your movements, and don’t focus on the end game. That’s why Francis recommends slowing down. “Try to remember the goal of sex is pleasure, and orgasm is one kind of pleasure that is significantly shorter than all the rest of it,” says Shadeen Francis, LMFT. That said, there are a few ways you can tune into your partner’s pleasure-so if your partner is having trouble getting to the finish line, try these tips from vulva-owners and sexual health experts.ġ) Don't race toward your partner’s orgasm. Communicating with your partner, making sure they feel safe and comfortable, and learning what they like can make a big difference in their sexual pleasure. Now that you know this, you're probably wondering: how can I make sure my partner orgasms during sex? Fortunately, stepping up your game isn’t going to require any acrobatic moves. And the disparity has nothing to do with vulva-owners’ anatomy-that same study found that cisgender lesbians orgasm 86% of the time during sex, and additional research shows that vulva-owners have no problem reaching orgasm during masturbation. A 2017 study published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior found that straight, cisgender men orgasm 95% of the time, whereas straight, cisgender women only orgasm 65% of the time. It's also worth pointing out that the vast majority of people with a vulva can't cum from penetration alone they need external clitoral stimulation.Īll of this contributes to what’s commonly known as the “ orgasm gap”: the proven fact that straight, cisgender men orgasm during sex significantly more often than their partners do. According to 2019 research published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine, it takes the average vulva-owner around double that time-13.41 minutes-to orgasm during P-in-V intercourse. This is especially true if, like the average man, you took between 5 and 7 seven minutes to finish. "DID YOU FINISH?" Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, but if you have to ask your partner if they had an orgasm, odds are they did not.